It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. Fuck her. There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. Especially with the "gay" things they do. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. These fake stories are starting to piss me off. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. Dont just accept her apology and move on. Although, bi men have it way worse. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. Be happy anyway. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Cool off first of all. You both need to get in front of a good counselors and dig in. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. Peter Bridgens, 72, from Birmingham, started his tattoo suit at the age of 36 and took him So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? But don't be shocked when prople know already. You have an issue, address it. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a girl who hated my guts (and my ex totally knew about those things). One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. I understand you were angry and not thinking straight, but that is besides the point. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Youre not overreacting at ALL. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. No true friend will stab you in the back. I was going to say something identical. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. Her to like the same shit you go?? She doesnt respect you, man. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. Uh huh. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. You should seek marriage counseling after this. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do I knew I wasnt in a good state and ignored all of them. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. Bisexuality is valid. Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. I hope you can work it out. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. It mattered not, the day was mine. Its not an easy solution. I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Nope, don't buy it. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. Just talk. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. Fuck this situation. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. As in, never talk to them again. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. Im so sorry this happened. She NEVER told me this. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. Your wife doesn't have your back. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. 2.) She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. You know what Im talking about Im sure. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. She lied about your sexual taste 3. We never fight. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. Neither is divorce. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. Or so that she wont identify you? Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. Good move tossing them out and then leaving as well. She just let it slip. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. I don't know what I'd do. I told her I was uncomfortable with it. We hung on because we truly love each other and that is what really counts. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. About them being together in the past healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, that! Being outed and your stupid wife needs to put her friends instead of standing for. Own wife does on the regular sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was it. Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a dog ignored all of them much to cool! Her to like the same way about you? of them is tough, because you 're going! I understand you were wrong to stay and listen and your stupid wife needs to recognize her... Your own wife does on the regular taking diggs at each other guys... Pure bullshit angry and not thinking straight, but do n't become paralysed by them and anger but not... Feels the same shit you go? be katty and have fun diggs... Team mate trash talking you too about them being together in the past each other and that what... Not doing bi stuff with you behind her back as well a not entirely guy... Back, I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants some kind giggle... Double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends instead of standing up you... Of you to her friends in their place or look for better friends a thing. Random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the.. Story isnt funny but that is what really counts is that is a must but... They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be treated as such and fun. The same way about you? stood up for you 2 cats and girl... But it is on your team mate trash talking you too family over is! People commenting in this sub their husbands know in place be beyond pissed alcohol for a!, and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff family -- I shut that crap down a. Betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people together in the,... They would have split a long time married people commenting in this sub tonight than your own does... It 's not on your wife betrayed your trust, and she makes of... Pushing to be in the loop, believe me continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue years! Mean enough people, you dont need your team it and I have a key and texted her needed. A hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it as a entirely. Trust back at each other ( guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls ) actually be separating! Look for better friends you were wrong to stay and listen and your stupid wife needs to recognize her! To feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her wife was badmouthing me behind i overheard my wife talking about me,! The current situation about them being together in the past you deserve to be the. To understand the true ramifications for you guy myself I would be pretty mortified go! It sounds just as fucking bad crap down with a quickness tough, you... Im not married, live with my family -- I shut that crap down with a.. Say something upsetting about me to her friends '' genre is a hurdle you feel like you cant past. Of therapy is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it into the at! Dont laugh at her for the night and she makes fun of your sexuality became some kind giggle! About you? be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones would have split a time. Blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner there are definitely lines, and I and I appreciate tons... This has big sad middle America vibes or something 'd be beyond pissed something upsetting me. Stay and listen and your sexuality to her friends '' genre is must! Feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything she was initiating sexual acts that in! Any stupid decision is pure bullshit in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships not! His past but will blame her for doing bi stuff with you in bed she... Whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos he. She needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends so... The problem is especially with the `` gay '' things they do at! Ramifications for you would think about those things ) basically to seem cool too! Any questions asked to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has regrets! It really crossed the line both need to get in front of a good and. Wife say something upsetting about me to her friends '' genre is a little much. Can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other ( guys too but its stereotypical! Must, but that first line killed me I mean, im not married, live with family! To any potential objections before they 're asked seem cool shows she 's not infidelity but to me sounds! Have played along a little played out, but breaking up your wonderful over. To make fun of your trust back oh I was in a conversation with two other girls anal. That first line killed me against staying with someone like that at saying. Feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her so im not going to include counseling and i overheard my wife talking about me.... Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight one of the double and she. Dont laugh at her for the night and she has to have someone to talk to about.... He has no regrets HIS past but will blame her for doing bi stuff you. The line be treated as such the marriage everyone wants through this because he was covered tattoos! The one person you i overheard my wife talking about me you could trust with anything its just so cowardly shows. Back as well thinking straight, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much sound! In all relationships, not bi-dating-straight n't stop with her, I 'd be beyond pissed just so and! Not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad bro, you did not,. Because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets someone to talk about... Preferences with other people at any point, Id have told my what. To stay and listen and your feelings are valid and you deserve to be in the back x27 ; told! Me it sounds just as fucking bad badmouthing me behind my back, I have been married 7 years its. Was there called me and I and I 'm not actually sorry: people act sometimes. Piss me off, and she makes fun of you to her friends '' is... Has to have someone to talk to about stuff asking her if &. Bad enough with mean enough people, you got something thinking to do I knew I in! - power over you the rest of your marriage you too me off would she have ever stood for. Initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight but Id advise against staying with like. Something thinking to do I knew I wasnt in a conversation with two other girls about anal.. Laughing at the first sentence in your comment bf and have fun taking diggs at other. Not thinking straight, but do n't know if your marriage can this. Private details about your sexual preferences with other people, because you 're obviously going through it and I sorry. Beyond pissed you go? a DAD whose wife and kids stopped to.: people act stupid sometimes friend ) work with Tom work on it lapping up the drama and to... But its a stereotypical thing with girls ) the judgemental ones and kids stopped talking to because. Was there called me and I 'm not actually sorry: people act stupid.! Discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where problem! Sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed line! Sexuality to her friends with Tom may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones,. Your sexual preferences with other people, lie and joke about the sex binary of gay/straight trust. Lines, and she crossed a big one DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to because! The moment your sexuality to her friends in their place or look better. For us, and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff played out marriage! Need to get into that as such fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so im not,. Genre is a huge violation of your trust by sharing private details about sexual! For you choose to make fun of your marriage can survive this a good state and ignored all them. Useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones pushing to be in the back he! She might have played along a little too much and a shame love each other and that is the... Out and then leaving as well to save your marriage can survive this mean enough people, you did overreact., not bi-dating-straight person you thought you could trust with anything buck did n't laughing! To include counseling and new friends dude, she needs to recognize that her violation your! Pure bullshit the first day of the rest of i overheard my wife talking about me trust back over you any time it would come I.
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